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CENTURION movie Review

Neil Marshall has built a name for himself by making films about people invading someone else’s territory and getting their “arses” thoroughly kicked. In “Dog Soldiers” it was elite troops versus Scottish werewolves, in “The Descent” it was a bonding group of girlfriends against an unknown species of cave dwellers and in “Doomsday” it was mercenaries vs. Scottish savages.

Which brings us to “Centurion” which features the exact same kind of story. This time the protagonists out of their league are a bunch of Roman soldiers, and the people they manage to piss off into a killing frenzy are eh.. Scottish savages again. Note that three out of these four films may be frowned upon by the Scottish Tourist Board despite impressively showing off the Scottish countryside.

So Neil Marshall should be careful lest people think he is a one-trick-pony. Does “Centurion” look a little too familiar for comfort? Or does it offer something unique? To answer that question in short: yes and yes… sort-of. Be warned as your mileage may vary: the Imagine crowd in Amsterdam gave this film a 6.43 out of 10, and those people can truly be seen as the film’s core target audience…

After 20 years of war Emperor Hadrian is fed up with failing to conquer Scotland from the Picts and orders a final push. The Picts have been successfully thwarting the Romans by using guerrilla warfare, so this time the Romans send 3000 soldiers northward to draw out the Pictish king Gorlacon’s army. Helping them is Etain, a Pictish mute girl who has a reputation for being the best and most ruthless tracker in Scotland.

However, Etain secretly works for Gorlacon. The Roman army is led into a giant ambush and subsequently massacred, its general taken prisoner to be tortured by Gorlacon at leisure.

A small group of survivors led by centurion Quintus decides to try and rescue the general. But during the attempt they make a lethal mistake, and an enraged Gorlacon dispatches a war band led by Etain to track and kill every last Roman in Quintus’ party. A deadly race to the Roman border begins…

The Movie:

The first things you notice when watching “Centurion” are the opening credits. Almost ridiculously flashy, these float above the desolate yet beautiful Scottish landscape, and you cannot help but wonder if this was supposed to be a 3D-film or not. Maybe it’s meant as icing on the cake, but if you make the icing stand out this much you might want to make the cake itself pretty interesting as well.

In this case it’s hard not to be enticed by the ideas behind the film, as Neil Marshall covers some historically interesting subjects.

Firstly: looking at a map of the Roman Empire it always seems strange that it ended at the English-Scottish border, and that the Romans were so fed up with the Scots that they finally built their own version of the Chinese Wall, from coast to coast, to keep the Picts out! That wall is known as Hadrian’s Wall and parts of it can still be seen today (the whole Roman border is now actually a walking trail, with many Roman ruins along the way). So it’s an interesting subject and a nice reminder of just how terribly effective guerrilla warfare can be.

Secondly: the Romans do seem to be sloppy with their armies. Looking through Roman records, some appeared to have simply disappeared from the face of the Earth. Neil’s assumption that one of these might have gotten stuck (haha) in Scotland and that the Romans would not want to advertise that fact seems entirely logical. Maybe that sort of thing would even warrant retreating from a country and building a huge wall? Just thinking out loud…

So “Centurion” scores points with its setting. But after an interesting start which explains the total setup it just turns into a generic manhunt movie, nothing more and nothing less. Seeing an army of 3000 being slowly whittled to bits by alien terrain, terrible weather and a careful enemy would have been very interesting, but instead we get a single fight which is over in mere minutes, and after that it’s just “Figures in a Landscape, Part 6″ where once again a small band of people try to reach the border before the bad guys catch up with them. The fact that it’s a manhunt film with Romans and Picts adds surprisingly little to it, so even if it’s a pretty decent manhunt film it never brings something new to the table. For all intents and purposes these could have been people who escaped from (a prison) / (a POW-camp) / (slave labor) / (accidentally witnessing a mob execution) and are now being chased by (wardens) / (enemy soldiers) / (Egyptians) / (criminals).

Then there is the surprisingly high-level cast. Michael Fassbender and Olga Kurylenko play Quintus and Etain, the two adversaries who try to outwit each other, and both look good yet lack a certain charisma that you’d expect. We should be praying for Quintus to succeed but he’s just “some guy” and not all that distinguishable from the others. It doesn’t help that Michael has to do a voice-over as well which is always tricky, especially if you have a slightly nasal voice and your character doesn’t have anything particularly interesting to say. And Olga should be frightening yet she never rises above angry and threatening.

Supporting roles go to an assortment of well-known faces, first and foremost of these being the famous Danish actor Ulrich Thomsen of “Festen” and “Adam’s Apples” fame. He plays the Pictish king Gorlacon but… well, he has the exact same facial expression throughout the movie. That’s sort of a waste of good acting talent.

Before I make it seem as if Centurion is a terrible movie, it isn’t. The chase as such isn’t bad, you’ll feel for at least some of the characters, and (as in all Neil Marshall movies) the violence is gritty and ruthless with several flinchworthy moments. The desaturated cinematography and the art direction seem to conspire to make the audience feel as damn cold as possible, and the Scottish landscape is a natural stunner. As such it would be unfair to condemn this film, but by the time the gaudy end credits started to roll (just as disproportionally overblown as the opening titles) I couldn’t help thinking about what I’d like to have seen but hadn’t…

It’s a manhunt film which is not bad in itself, but the whole setting promises so much more than that and in the end the film never truly delivers. Frankly, even just looking at typical manhunt films I must say I’ve seen better. Couple this with a killer cast that has little to do, and you might feel vaguely unsatisfied with the end result.

Piranha 3D Movie Review

A blast of black humour, much of it referring to other films, makes this riotously violent remake rather a lot of fun. And apart from the gleefully grisly 3D effects, the casting alone is a stroke of genius.

Arizona’s Lake Victoria is being invaded by virtually naked young people during spring break, but teen Jake (McQueen) has to babysit his young siblings (Brooklynn Proulx and Sage Ryan) because his mother Julie (Shue) is especially busy as the town sheriff. As a sleazy filmmaker (O’Connell) hires Jake to show him the lake, Julie is investigating evidence that an underwater rift has released a school of voracious prehistoric piranhas. So not only must she get all of these drunken revellers out of the water, but she needs to make sure her kids are safe.

Director Aja opens with a hilarious cameo from Dreyfuss and takes off from there, surging through the various plot threads without pausing for air. The writers pack the plot with more wrinkles than are thoroughly necessary. Jake’s riotous day out with the porn starlets (Brook and Steele) is strained by the presence of the local girl (Szohr) he definitely does not have feelings for.
Julie somehow manages to swap innuendo with a hot diver (Scott) even as mass chaos breaks out around them. And Lloyd pops up channelling Doc Brown as the fish expert.

There’s also a sublimely ridiculous nude underwater ballet that’s counterbalanced by a scene of raucous bloodletting when these angry piranhas, after millions of years trapped in an underwater lake, are released to this flesh buffet. In other words, the filmmakers and cast members are having so much fun that we can hardly help but enjoy ourselves as it gets grislier and funnier by the moment.

Sure, the characters are wafer thin, and we can guess who will survive early on. But there are some surprises along the way, mostly of the “I can’t believe they did that” variety. There are also rather a lot of gratuitously amusing 3D gags, as it were. Like the original, this is essentially a wacky Jaws rehash, complete with the fish-view cam. The only thing missing is a memorable musical score.

Going the Distance movie review

Going the Distance is an irreverent romantic comedy that will please those looking for raunchy laughs or sappy tearjerking. The plot follows Erin (Barrymore) and Garrett (Long), two people who fall in love one summer and find themselves fighting to survive in a long-distance relationship. Most romantic comedies work as follows: the two leads are stripped of any unique or interesting qualities so that nobody in the audience can find a fault with them (except maybe loving the other person too much) as the forces of the world tear them apart. But because the studios need to turn it into a comedy, they give the guy and the girl cohorts of friends with quirky senses of humor who are free to get a little more wild and risky. While this movie certainly has some unbelievable side characters (Day, Sudeikis, Applegate, Gaffigan), it doesn’t dumb down the main characters into bland milquetoasts in the hopes that we will relate to and empathize with them. Going the Distance has characters that we care for because it takes the opposite tack. These people are real; they are vibrant and alive, imperfect, passionate, even distasteful at times. The decision to use off-screen couple Drew Barrymore and Justin Long was without a doubt the correct one, because you can see their love for each other in every frame on the screen.

The acting is pitch-perfect. It makes the writing seem nonexistent. Everything they say just rolls off the actors’ tongues in perfect harmony and synchrony with their body language. Drew Barrymore has just the right amount of sass to make her adorable and edgy without being annoying. Justin Long is far more charming and charismatic than I ever thought was possible. Charlie Day steals every single scene he is in, playing a character that is almost identical to his role in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which I hope is almost identical to his personality in real life). Though the jokes are risky, they hit all the right notes at all the right times. The movie honestly shows emotions without glamorizing it or turning it into melodrama. It lets scenes play themselves out, whether filled with joy or despair. And despite some predictability, this movie is a near-perfect romantic comedy. I can’t wait to watch it again.

The Last Exorcism – Review

With its surprisingly satirical edge and brilliant evocation of southern gothic, The Last Exorcism  could have been one of the very best mainstream flicks of the year. Instead it utterly defeats itself in the dying moments so much so it smacks of incompetence.

It doesn’t just shoot itself in the foot, more holds a shotgun under its chin and yells ‘we don’t have a third act’ before blowing its face off. It is idiotic, to say the least. Maybe the Devil made them do it.

The faux documentary set up focuses on Reverend Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), a man openly admitting to being less holy than he appears. Living in Baton Rouge and preaching utter nonsense to his gullible congregation, he is a self-justifying fraudster undone by his own ego and avarice. As he jokingly admits to the camera crew, ‘the Church doesn’t run only on love’.

When called out to a farm in deepest, darkest Louisiana things take a turn for the supernatural – but not quite how you’d imagine. One of the great things about The Last Exorcism is the deconstruction of the power of suggestion and how the characters interpret events. Rev. Marcus has a quip and smart-aleck answer for everything.

… and so we are thrust into a world of ancient demons, showmanship and bible-thumping, and like one of Marcus’s holy-rollers, you’ll be sucked in and made a fool of, given the bizarre denouement. It won’t be an exorcist you’ll need after seeing this, but the cinema manager to ask for your money back. Shame, because I could have loved this film. It’s very rare to leave a screening looking up to the credit crawl and grumpily announcing, ‘oh, fuck off’.

Stamm and his crew spend a great amount of time turning up the tension and the atmosphere drips with creeping fear. Just when you think the case is real, something turns up to suggest otherwise. The power of religious fervour meets grim reality. Cotton Marcus goes from charlatan to social worker and towards the end stumbles blindly into danger without ever realising it.

Nell (Ashley Bell), the focus point of the demonic activity is the typical sheltered novice through who others channel their agenda. She’s having weird dreams of somebody called Eleanor of Antioch and draws macabre pictures that have a habit of coming true. Marcus performs a sham exorcism and leaves thinking all to be well in the world and comfort brought to those involved. Then the shit hits the fan.

Literally, until the last very scene, The Last Exorcism is brilliant. A great shame then to end the way it does. Essentially, it backs itself into a corner and lacks internal logical consistency. If the film-makers insist on using the mockumentary device they must think it out thoroughly.

As an entry into the demonic possession genre it should be commended for playing a little differently and leaving the po-faced stance of films like The Exorcist and The Exorcism of Emily Rose at the door.

Like the recent Requiem, for a good part, Daniel Stamm’s movie draws you in with the lies of the characters before unfortunately becoming a great liar itself. Requiem focused on the illness of a young woman ultimately killed by the convictions of those around her and her own trauma. Nell is vulnerable to the actions and decisions of others, but by the end when things get all ‘Rosemary’s Baby’, you’ll be scratching your head in confusion.

Happythankyoumoreplease movie review

An overly cute portrayal of twentysomethings struggling with life and love in New York City, happythankyoumoreplease  has its humorous and heartfelt moments, but this ensemble comedy-drama’s manic self-absorption ultimately proves too much to overcome.

With its examination of young love and the angst of early adulthood, happythankyoumoreplease should appeal to college crowds who are presumably experiencing similar dilemmas as the characters. Without major stars, though, the film will need to rely on word-of-mouth from date audiences to garner commercial momentum.

Frustrated writer Sam (writer-director Josh Radnor) encounters a runaway young black boy named Rasheen (Michael Algieri) on the subway and reluctantly takes him in. Meanwhile, Sam’s confidante Annie (Malin Akerman) is being courted by a geeky but lovable co-worker (Tony Hale), and his friend Mary Catherine (Zoe Kazan) has reached an impasse with her long-term boyfriend about their future.

Investigating a group of creative, literate friends whose personal lives are a mess, first-time filmmaker Radnor (best known for his role on the sitcom How I Met Your Mother) attempts to capture the essence of being young in New York with a breezy nonchalance. However, even though his characters’ romantic troubles bedevil them, Radnor fails to make their plight empathetic, unintentionally turning them into whiny and self-involved individuals who don’t always seem worthy of the happiness they seek.

On the whole, the cast is likable, although a few of the performers overdo their characters’ existential anguish and studied hipness. The notable exception is Hale, who makes Annie’s would-be boyfriend a sensitive, romantic adult who is, unfortunately, surrounded by overgrown adolescents.

Down Terrace Movie Review

Two weeks in the life of a family in Brighton turns into the most original British crime drama in years. Understated and deeply unsettling, this is a remarkable low-budget feature debut for director-cowriter Wheatley.

Bill (Robert Hill) is a self-proclaimed “simple person” living with his pragmatic wife Maggie (Deakin) and short-fused son Karl (Robert’s real-life son Robin). When Karl finds out that his girlfriend (Kerry Peacock) is pregnant, it almost takes his mind of the shady, increasingly messy business dealings he and his dad are involved in. And their friends (Schaal, Way, Kempner and Smiley) aren’t helping at all. So as trouble brews with their bosses in London, murder becomes the only option.

Filmed and played in a low-key, naturalistic style, the movie draws us in through its sheer ordinariness. These are believably real people, so nicely underplayed by the cast that the scenes feel improvised. And everyone looks normal, not like movie stars, which gives the interaction and paranoia a zing of authenticity. The camera darts around the scenes like our own eyeballs, following conversations while catching little details. And a clever blend of musical styles adds tension, humour and soul.

Without giving us too much information, Wheatley creates a fascinating atmosphere that lets us see past a slightly talky script and some uneven editing. Essentially this is a series of vignettes that feel like jokes leading to punch-lines that are often witty and sometimes horrific. The film is efficiently claustrophobic, rarely leaving the terraced house in which this fractured family lives while the real story is taking place outside. All of the characters have surprises in store, and the unpredictability of these people makes them feel that much more genuine.

Another strikingly original touch is Bill’s stream of outspoken opinions, as he constantly moralises and criticises everyone based on lessons learned through his own criminal activity, furious that his son seems like a waste of space.
All of the actors are riveting, but the most striking, haunting performance comes from Deakin, who never hits a false note. “It’s not the decisions that are tough,” says Maggie. “It’s the actions.” And what these people do is increasingly desperate and chillingly irreversible.

Takers movie Review

Have you ever known a suit-wearing hipster that enjoys boasting loudly about how totally awesome he is and imagines himself to be a trendsetter — when really, there is absolutely nothing original about the way he dresses or how he talks?  If that guy were a movie, he would be Takers.

Every cliché plot element, stock character, and bit of visual flair that has ever reared its overused head in an action movie or heist film shows up in Takers, with one exception — no one in the movie gets to throw their head back in despair and scream “NO!” Honestly, it’s kind of disappointing that director John Luessenhop did not go for the gusto and include that one as well.
Savvy criminals are always the main characters in a heist movie and Takers  is no exception.  The crew of skilled thieves includes jazz piano player A.J. (played by Hayden Christensen); gentlemanly Jake (Michael Ealy) and his ex-convict brother, Jesse (Chris Brown); the professional type, John (Paul Walker); and the leader of the group — with a spiffy accent to boot — Gordon (Idris Elba).

The gang pulls off yet another profitable job (the plan for which apparently involved commandeering a news chopper) around the same time one of their former comrades, Ghost (rapper T.I.) gets out of prison early for good behavior.  He approaches the group with the promise of a very profitable job involving the takedown of an armored van, with less than a week’s time to prepare — despite the fact that they always wait at least a year before attempting another high-stakes job.

Gordon and his fellow bank robbers are immediately wary of Ghost’s proposal — and not only because 1) Ghost spent several years in jail after one of their jobs went wrong, and 2) His old girlfriend, Rachel (Zoe Saldana, wasted in a role that has her onscreen for maybe 3-5 minutes total) recently became engaged to Jake.  For reasons that are never fully explained (greed, I suppose), the Takers decides to do the job anyway.
Meanwhile, police detective Jack Welles (Matt Dillon) leads an investigation to find the group and bring them to justice.  He is your stereotypical movie cop (workaholic, personal life is a mess, etc.), except that, oddly enough, he is not actually that good at his job.  Jack is also a definite contender for the Worst Parent of the Year Award — especially after he pursues the Takers in his car WITH HIS PRE-TEEN DAUGHTER RIDING SHOTGUN and almost gets the both of them killed.

The Taker’s plans predictably go awry, which results in a lot of explosions, gun fights, and an on-foot chase sequence that involves Chris Brown’s character, Jesse — who apparently has the athletic abilities of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and a professional sprinter all rolled into one. [SPOILER AHEAD] He is also cornered and killed at the end of the film, going out in a blaze of glory that feels like a rip-off of the ending of Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid [END SPOILER].  Shockingly, the end credits reveal that Chris Brown was one of the producers of Takers as well.

Takers in general is simply a lifeless affair — the characters are one-dimensional and lacking in the areas of emotional depth and charisma; every twist and turn in the plot can be spotted from a mile away; and it is legitimately not clear what the movie was even about, in the end — something about “crime doesn’t (always) pay,” perhaps.

These matters aren’t helped by the fact that the film’s director of photography, Michael Barrett, decided to go with a District 9 aesthetic.  Viewers prone to feeling woozy when they watch movies with a lot of messy, hand-held camerawork should beware since Takers is a poorly done example of that mode of filmmaking — not to mention the fact that the editor seemingly suffered from a severe case of ADD (and in the age of the Transformers and Jason Bourne movies, that is saying something).
Takers wants to be the kind of crime drama that Michael Mann (Heat, Public Enemies) would make and it shows.  The film is shot like a gritty actioner and the cast members spend a good portion of their time onscreen trying to look cool — all while pounding hip-hop music blares on over nearly every scene.  Ultimately, the movie tries so hard to be slick and stylish that it becomes flat-out annoying.

Those that are really in the mood to see a good heist movie that involves men strutting around in expensive suits — not to mention lots of gunfire and explosive set pieces — should pass on Takers and just go see Inception again instead.  It might even be playing at the local dollar theater now.

Nanny McPhee and The Big Bang – Movie Review

A family film  that’s actually made for the whole family is a pretty rare find these days (unless it arrives courtesy of Pixar). But thankfully ‘Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang’ does exactly what it says on the tin and provides fun for the entire family.

Now if you’ve previously lived in world free from Nanny McPhee, all you need to know is, Nanny McPhee is a Nanny who’s a bit like Mary Poppins crossed with a Gruffalo. She’s ugly and strict, comes with a magic walking stick and eats children for breakfast! O.K. so I’m slightly exaggerating there but let’s just say she’s not exactly a shrinking violet when it comes to the childcare department of life.

nannymcphee_motorbike© 2010, Universal.jpgSet during World War II, the Green family are finding life tough. Mr Green (Ewan McGregor) is away at the war, leaving his wife Isabel (Maggie Gyllenhaal) to look after their three lively children, make ends meet and also run the family farm. A farm that’s co-owned by the dastardly Uncle Phil who wants to sell everything so he can finance his gambling debts. Oh, and to make matters just that little bit worse, the Greens suddenly have to look after their cousins – A couple of city type evacuees who despise the country, its inhabitants and of course the Green children.

Cue Emma Thompson as Nanny McPhee, resplendent with a snaggle tooth and a belching jackdaw,nannymcphee_children© 2010, Universal.jpg dispensing advice, wisdom and magic in equal measure wherever she goes. Teaching the children the five indispensable lessons of life: to share nicely, stop fighting, be brave, have faith and to always help each other.

Admittedly the more world weary amongst us may be tempted to start yawning at this point, but don’t despair because ‘Nanny McPhee and The Big Bang’ never fails to entertain. There’s slapstick and humour, as well as baby elephants and synchronised swimming piglets littered throughout the film and Nanny McPhee always delivers on her unpopular, but uplifting message, that morals are a good thing and something we should all be proud of.